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PHOTO: Getty Images |
The Monster in Your Room
By Abby McCartney A wise man once said, “Everyone has a weird roommate freshman year. If your roommate is normal, then you’re the weird roommate.” Truer words have never been spoken. When you live with a person in very tight quarters for several months, they’re going to start to seem pretty strange. And maybe a little annoying. And maybe like a very minor mental case. No offense, but you might seem that way, too. THE GROUND RULES Except for the few of us who live with someone we already know, the freshman-year roommate is one of the biggest wild cards of the college experience. She could be the best friend you live with for four years and name your child after, or she could be a heinous monster who makes your life miserable. The vast majority of freshman roommates aren’t either of those things, of course. Most of them are perfectly nice people who may not have very much in common with you, or whom you may eat dinner with but not see much otherwise. Maybe the biggest misconception about roommates is that if you don’t become best friends, you’re going to hate each other and be miserable. In reality, it’s entirely possible to live very pleasantly with someone for a very long time without ever becoming close. As long as you both respect the ground rules—when you can play music, when the light can be on at night, when guests can come over—it doesn’t matter all that much whether you go to parties together or join the same clubs. In fact, sometimes it’s easier to live with people you don’t know as well. Living with close friends can be a blast, but distracting. Which is more fun, writing a paper or gossiping about what happened at lunch? Doing a problem set or playing video games? When you live with your friends, they’re always around to entertain you, for better or for worse. Even more dangerous, little conflicts can become big ones very quickly. My friend Sarah was very close to her roommates last year, and when one of them repeatedly locked herself out of the room and had to get the others to let her in, the annoyance blew up into a huge fight that tore apart her group of friends for several weeks. There’s nowhere to go to avoid the drama when something like that happens—you have to share the space, no matter how angry you are. SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF Setting clear ground rules early on can help to avoid many of those conflicts. No matter how well you know your roommate, don’t hesitate to bring up little things that are bothering you. My freshman roommate used to fall asleep with a light on all the time, which I found very disorienting. I noticed this in the first few weeks of school and asked her to try to turn it off when she went to bed; she was happy to, when she remembered. Waiting longer to bring up a problem just gives you more time to fume, and it means that when you do say something, it will come off as angry and aggressive, even if it’s not a big deal. When you bring it up right away, the problem can often be solved painlessly. Sometimes, though, conflicts are big enough that it’s worth getting a third party involved. An outside friend can be a good sounding board, as can a Residential Adviser, freshman dean or any other adult who has experience dealing with these situations. If you’re having trouble talking to your roommate, try out your speech with another person and see if you’re coming off the way you mean to. And definitely seek outside help if your room situation is interfering with your daily life (preventing you from sleeping, for example), if you feel threatened or otherwise uncomfortable, or if you’re worried about your roommate’s health or well-being. One of the reasons for living in groups is so that everyone has someone else looking out for them all the time—always pay at least a little attention to how your roommate is doing. At the end of the day, there’s nothing quite like living with another person. How else could you get to know what they look like when they wake up in the morning, how often they floss, or what they eat when they’re hungry in the middle of the night? Whether you’re close to your roommates or not, sharing your freshman year with them can be one of the best experiences of college.And when they seem weird, just remember: They’re not the only one. PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES (CARTOON MONSTER)
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