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FRESHMAN JOURNAL |
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Learning to fail
By Anissa Richmond, Ithaca College
Jump in. That's what college is all about; trying new things and putting yourself out there.
During my second month at college, my biggest issue seemed to be picking what to do. Every club wanted me to join, be a member, save a tree, pay dues. I joined everything I could get my hands on, attending meetings and voicing my opinions.
Habitat for Humanity, Public Relations Student Society of America, American Marketing Association, Park School Dean's Host … the list goes on and on.
But the thing that I gravitated toward most was Student Government and music. For me, the school year consisted of events before musical and after musical, obligations for Student Council and obligations after Student Council. So when I found out that there would be an election for a freshman representative for the Student Government Association, and an audition to be in Premium Blend, the female a capella group on campus, I had only one option: I chose to jump.
The process for SGA representative was a complicated one, filled with forms and signatures. I had an interview with the current executive board, I had to create a platform, make posters, I was expected to talk to my fellow freshman and figure our what they wanted. The necessary steps were not only daunting but also annoying. The prospect of losing was so real, and if I did lose all of my time and effort would have been for nothing. Four spots were open on the executive board; seven people were running. The day the election opened online, I had nothing left to do but wait.
Simultaneously, I had auditions for Premium Blend. Almost 200 girls signed up to compete for the five open spots in the group. Although I didn't set my expectations high, I spent a good amount of time preparing for the audition. I practiced my scales, picked a song that would show off my vocal range, and I even picked a dazzling outfit. I walked out of the audition room all smiles, confident that a callback was in my future. As the audition door closed I heard one of the evaluators exclaim "I loved her voice!" Not wanting to jinx it, I kept my feelings to myself, beaming inside at my perceived success. The auditions were over, and I had done all I could do. I had nothing left to do but wait.
Epic fail: A colloquial term that perfectly defines my experience with SGA and Premium Blend.
After all of the hard work I had put into the election, I lost. Despite the fact that there were four open spots on the Senate, and seven people running, and the odds were in my favor, and my experience more than qualified me for the positin, I failed.
Premium Blend ended in a similar fashion, no callback and no chance.
These 'epic failures' put my college experience into perspective by shaking my foundation and reminding me how far away I was from my mom and dad, my sister, my best friend ... my support system.
I could lie, and say that these failures only taught me positive things, that I'm glad I lost and that it was better in the long run. But to completely honest, failing stinks. I cried on the phone to my mom and contemplated how quickly I could get out of Ithaca, N.Y., and back to nice, comfortable Flemington, N.J., where my singing voice and Student Government skills were appreciated.
As much as my failure saddened me, I didn't have time to dwell on it. College is all about the balance of class, extracurricular activities, and social life; there isn't much room for self-pity. No matter how hurt I was I still had to go to class and join other clubs.
I threw myself into Student to Student, a mentoring program on campus. I sang my heart out in Amani Gospel Choir. I kept showing up to SGA meetings until they found a position for me. I chose to jump into the heart of my college experience even though the outcome was unknown and the cost frightening. Although neither leap landed me in the place that I expected, I'm proud of the distance I've traveled.
After such an epic failure, I’m ready for anything and betting on an epic success.
On My Own
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