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ON MY OWN
And so it begins. We’ve crossed off days from our calendars, turned sleepless nights and done some pretty intense packing in preparation for this day. We thought it would never come, and suddenly it’s here. Time to take the giant leap toward the future that has seemed so illusive in the past. College. Sound frightening? That’s because it is. The morning that was to mark the beginning of the rest of my life was a chaotic one. My dad frantically shoving pillows, rugs and fans into the trunk of our car; my mom checking and rechecking her packing list; my sister…. performing her sisterly duties by not really helping at all. The day was charged with energy, a blur of activity while I stood in the middle, the nucleus of the cell. I was leaving my precious home in New Jersey to travel to upstate New York to live. Alone. And I was expected to learn and make friends, and make a difference, and join clubs, and do laundry How?! These questions swam in my head, the answers nowhere in sight as I clambered into the car. Before I knew it we had arrived. Ithaca College. My dorm appeared rather small for the three girls that were expected to reside there, the hallway long and cramped reminding my beloved sister of “a horror film where everyone dies.” The dorm was quickly filled with my possessions, colorful plastic bins overflowing with goodies. My mom’s list was out again, as each item was meticulously arranged for the most convenience, arguments ensuing over the “best” place for this, the “smartest” place for that. Usually this kind of fussing would have annoyed me to the highest degree. But these arguments were comforting, and with each word uttered by my parents I could hear the love, the reluctance to leave, the desire to have their say in my life away from them. Soon enough, I was unpacked; clothing in drawers, computer set up. My room had a peace theme, with stickers plastered on every corner of the wall, reeking of my mothers signature need for themes. Half way through the process the first of my two roommates showed up ready to unpack. Greetings were said, and before I knew it her parents were gone, and she was unpacking alone. I stared at her in awe of her independence, and sheer confidence as she placed her items in the room without an argument or asking the opinion of anyone. Could I do that? Could I really begin my college experience alone without the opinions of my parents and family? I shuddered at the thought as my new roommate tucked her lobster sheets under the corners of her bed, shoved her clothes into her wardrobe and was out the door. As I stood at my parent’s car, getting ready to say my goodbyes my mind was still filled with racing and never ending questions. How was I going to find everything in this new school, or in my new room? How many girls had to share my bathroom? Where was I supposed to get books? What would my second roommate be like? How on earth am I supposed to do all of this without my mom? These questions and so many others exploded in my mind like fireworks, each one more elaborate than the next, and the imprint of the image lasting in the sky of my mind. But as I hugged my family tight, inhaling deeply as if to memorize their scent, I realized that I couldn’t ask my mom these questions or get my dad to go find out. I had to explore them for myself, no matter how scary it was. My mom made me walk away from the car and go to orientation before they drove away, insisting that waving as they left me would be too sad. I walked away from my family head held high for them and for me, refusing to look back no matter how much I wanted to. Ithaca College was a whole new adventure I had to navigate for myself. Let the journey begin.
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